Friends are supposed to be like family you get to choose. Yes, I chose to be friends with that girl and it became a source of inner conflict for me because I blamed myself for being a poor judge of character. But the thing is, you can never really know a person if they don’t let you. Also, people change. They may have started out really liking you but sometimes, things turn bitter; people become bitter.
Towards the end of our friendship, I had given up on trying to make things work because I just did not have the will anymore. Plus, she had showed me clearly that our friendship meant nothing to her. So I took a big step back. Somehow, that triggered something in her. The last argument we had, she showed her true colors. She said the most horrible things to me, took many low blows, attacked my person, and then tried to play the victim. In some twisted way, she expected that whole performance to make me re-commit to the friendship. To her greatest surprise, it was the stroke that broke the camel’s back. I was over it and I did not mince words while communicating that to her. I had to get out of there and fast. I’m not referring only to the relationship but physically putting distance between myself and her. I kid you not, as soon as I left it felt like I could breathe freely again. It was as though I had been let out of a cage.
I could go on for pages and pages about this but I’m just going to jump in to telling you about some red flags to look out for in case you are having doubts about these type of friends:
They discredit, harshly criticize and judge you often
There are friends that can never seem to say anything positive to you. Of course it is great when friends correct each other in love, ‘love’ being the key word but sometimes their words and attitudes don’t seem to convey that love.
When you are with them, you feel burdened; when you are apart you feel lighter.
With the right friends, you feel at home but when it comes to this friend, you feel some type of way. You are even likely to do more illegal or inappropriate stuff when you are around this person. However, when you leave his/her presence you feel like a great weight has been lifted. You may even dread having to meet up with that friend. So why keep them around?
They are covetous and lack empathy
Whenever something great happens to you, they are not genuinely happy for you. They may smile and tell you congratulations but that smile never quite reaches their eyes. When things go wrong for you and you happen to share your predicament with them or even complain, they all of a sudden have all the logic in the world ready for you. Telling you how you should be realistic and all that BS you don’t need to hear.
They are stubborn
They want to have their way even when it is not reasonable. They want to be in control and boy do they love to manipulate you. And the emotional games they play? Unbelievable.
Lastly, you can feel it in your gut
After some time, the toxicity cannot be denied. You feel it deep within you. You may not even be able to sleep. Every thought of them fills you with dread. It just does not feel right.
These are definitely not all the signs but please if you are experiencing these, I beg you, save yourself. The Bible says ‘bad company corrupts good character’ and we all know that the Bible ain’t ever lie. We are greatly influenced by those we surround ourselves with. I won’t tell you it is easy to end a relationship especially if it is one that is really old. But some people are only meant to be in your life for a season.
Last modified: May 14, 2019