Who is better at keeping secrets; Men or women?

Written by | Sarauta Polls


We all have secrets. That’s why we shiver when someone collects our phones and start going through it. However, most of our secrets can be defined as petty.

In relationships and marriage, it is usually expected that partners will share some of their deep secrets together with the hope and belief that their secrets are safe.

Discussions between friends and couples (married or courting) are usually big ones. They range from topics like those in a relationship/having an affair, who is pregnant, and who is struggling to make ends meet, who just landed a big contract, who got promoted, lost a job et al.

But the question is, does keeping someone’s confidential matter safe have anything do to with gender? In other words, which gender is more likely to keep them better: men or women?  And why?

In a survey, 20 per cent stated that women kept secrets better than men, while out of the remaining 80 per cent, 40 per cent believed that men kept secrets better and the remaining 40 per cent argued that none of the genders.

Chidinma Offor, a student believes that men keep confidential matters better than women. ‘‘Women cannot keep secrets, especially when they are hurt”.

“Sometimes they wait for the right time to do so. And that time comes when someone hurts them especially if it is a fellow woman. They begin to tell everyone who cares to listen all they know about that person”, she added.

Another student Emmanuel Odeh, however, belongs to the school of thought that believes that keeping secrets is not based on gender.

According to him, “The walls have ears. As such, what is considered a secret by me may not be a secret to another person. Your secret may be news for someone. because once you have shared it, it is not really a secret.”

“So many people quarrel with their friends when they think their secret is out or broken and this often leads to mistrust and sometimes weakens relationships”.

“When I was still single, I preferred to confide in men”, said Mercy Edeh, a mother of two.

When I sought to know her reason, she reiterated that it was because “Men handle shared confidential matters better than women. Men generally don’t talk too much compared to women; hence so they are less likely to divulge someone’s secrets.”

“But when two women share a secret, the first thing either of them will do when there’s a quarrel is to expose each other’s secret.”

According to the article Top 6 Reasons: Why women can’t keep secrets” by Pravin Agrawal, One of the reasons is that they want to boost their ego. The article stated “Some women tend to give out secrets of others to feel exclusive. Since secrets are exclusive, they are therefore sexy. It makes them feel super cool to be in the know, and even cooler when we can show others that they have a piece of information no one else has.”

It added “Men are not behind. Not just women, men too reveal secrets. Researchers have found that in the case of men, alcohol usually gives a helping hand to blurt out secrets. Most men tend to open up secrets under the influence of alcohol.”

Last modified: March 28, 2021

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